As women, from a young age, we are brought up to focus on others, first of all; our parent’s happiness and then when we grow up many of us subconsciously seek relationships in which we focus (once again) on our partner’s happiness, leaving no space for us to blossom. Literally just deep this; the time and space that could be filled with self-growth and independence are filled with the opposite while independence is afforded to boys without question. Lovely.
At some point, seeking male validation or any validation from people rather than from God’s word and yourself should become boring to you, sis. At some point, that guy who only keeps you around so his ego can be stroked but refuses to become vulnerable to you should become boring to you, sis. AT SOME POINT, LOOKING IN THE MIRROR AND TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU’RE UGLY/ YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH/ YOU’RE NOT CUTE ENOUGH SHOULD BECOME BORING TO YOU, SIS. Because clearly, that way of thinking doesn’t work for any of us.
I truly believe that for us to shed off the skin of seeking happiness in others rather than God’s word, or OURSELVES (because self-affirmation is 100% important), singleness is a journey every woman should (happily) take. I’m not talking about the singleness where you’re still keeping your eye out for your next boo, or the singleness that you’re not completely content with because you’re afraid of being alone, nor that singleness that makes your heart sink every time you see couples walk by. The singleness I’m talking about is one where you gather up all the mental energy you have been allowing higgy boys* to drain and slowly put that energy back into yourself.
Nurture a hobby, get a job and make that cash rain (or at least slowly trickle), focus on your dreams and passions, make a conscious effort to grow in your faith, make sure you validate yourself on a daily basis and stop waiting for others to hype you up, least of all, fickle guys. Last but not least, don’t be so enamoured with all this relationship hype because when you start to make relationships an idol, that’s when things start to get a bit mad.
This topic is one that I’m so passionate about because it’s honestly so frustrating when I remember how low my self-esteem was in the past because it was so ‘what-does-this-boy-think-of-me’ focused rather than ‘what does God think of me?’. I always wonder at which point I stopped believing “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and started believing “you’re not even nice”. I wish I could go back to my 16-year-old self and just give her one hefty slap for believing lies and for beginning to take them on as an identity.
All I’m trying to say, ladies, is: give yourselves more credit than you do. Learn to decipher the difference between a man and a man (trust me, you’ll know when you encounter a man). Also, your beauty is a threat to some men and they will try all they can to bring you down. Steer clear of these emotional predators (although many are subtle), keep your heart safe until you’ve grown mentally and spiritually enough to delete all your insecurities and fully blossom.
*Higgy boys: childish young men that don’t understand how to treat a woman, ones that put their pride over you, refuse to be vulnerable OR boys that wait till they see you prospering and happy without them so they come back.
(Sidenote: To any boys triggered by this; you need some milk.)